I miss me

Dear friends,

I won’t apologize again to you for my lack of posts, and for disappearing again, because let’s be honest, I can’t start every post the same way.

It hurts to say this, but I’ve failed myself. I completely lost what I wanted to keep the most. A few minutes ago I was reading some of my old posts, and I found a little paragraph that I wrote to myself, for me to read it after 6 months of having moved here. It’s been 11 months already, and although I did read it after six months, when I read it again today, it made me wonder why. Why did I ever stop creating?

I don’t create anything nowadays. Not a photo, not an illustration, I don’t even write anymore. Heck, I can’t even read a book! I’ve had a book in my nightstand for months and I’m not halfway through it yet.

I also came here hoping to make my art my career, and never stop trying as hard as it was. I gave up without even trying. Now I’m leaving for the Air Force, and I’m scared of losing myself entirely. I’m scared to live the life that I’ve always said I didn’t want for me. A life with no dreams, because they’re just too unreal. A life with no magic.

What I really need to do right now to feel like myself again is to simply create, and find my happiness in whatever I do. If any of you have struggled with the same thing, how do you deal with it?

I apologize for my lack of positivity right now, and it’s not that I’m not happy, I just feel like I’m slowly losing a huge part of me. I don’t want to find happiness with no creativity involved in my life. Again, I’m sorry, I wanted to express my feelings the way I used to, blogging.

“Please Don’t Bite”

Please Don't Bite

 I don’t even know how to put into words how much I’ve missed this. Creating. It’s been three months since I did a self portrait. A couple of weeks ago, I did the engagement session for my brother and her fiancé. But as much as I loved it, I needed to do one of mine.

A lot has happened these past few days. I’m officially part of the US Air Force. I want to write a post about how was MEPS and all the process but it’s too long. I’m lazy. But yes, I’m more than excited.

My parents came to visit my brother and I, it was just like old times. They’re already gone. Life without them is not easy.

So yesterday, I told my brother to go with me take this photo, because my heart couldn’t take it anymore. I needed to feel what I feel when I create. I feel my true essence. This one, may look simple, but it’s right for what’s happening currently in my life.

Please Don't Bite

I’m about to take a journey, which terrifies me, but as scary as it is, I’m not going to let fear stop me. All of this is completely new and weird for me. Sometimes I feel like I’m not going to belong, but I’m sure going to try it. I know the Air force has great things for me.

I’m so glad to be back on track. I miss you guys. Hope you like this little photo.

Everything Is Good

Guys, I feel like I owe you a thank you, or something like that. I just wanted to write this little post to let you know that after writing my last one, where not all things were great, everything started to fall into place.

I finally met my Air Force recruiter, and next week I’m going to take the ASVAB, and go to MEPS (which I’m definitely going to write about). Wish me luck, I’m so nervous.

And last week I started my new job. For the first time, I can say that I like my job. It’s honestly great.

Last weekend I did the engagement session for my brother and his fiancé, and although not everything turned out exactly how I wanted it, most of the photos are good. I missed spending hours in photoshop. I really want to shoot my own photos again, let’s see if I can do it soon.

Thanks again for your good vibes and wishes. They helped a lot. You always make me feel better. Talk to you soon!

Where Am I?

I failed myself once again. No. I’m not going to make this a negative post, I’m trying to stay away from negativity as much as I can. It hasn’t been easy this time though.

I could explain everything that has been going on in specific details, but I don’t think you would want to read about it, nor I would like to write about it. Instead, I’m just going to try and summarize it, which I’ve always been pretty bad at.

I’m unemployed. I couldn’t stand my job, so the reckless Minnie decided it was enough. Now, I have my brother complaining everyday about how he has to pay everything. I’ve been like this for almost two months. I’ve been looking and apparently no one wants me. I haven’t written or taken a photo for a long long time. And the most exciting one, I’ve decided to join the Air Force. This time is not a joke. I promise.

The option came to me in a moment where I would consider anything, but I actually made the decision after a lot of research. Now I’m in love with the idea. Again, I could tell you everything about it, but let’s leave that for another post.

I’m really trying to see the bright side here, but I’m getting so desperate for not having a job, and for not doing the one thing that makes me happy. I hope I can make a photo soon, but anyway next weekend I’m going to do the engagement session of my brother, and the theme is Snow White. Which makes me the happiest person alive, because with all this spare time I got obsessed with Once Upon A Time, I think it’s my favorite tv show now. I just can’t wait to create something inspired by it. It somehow made me believe again.

*sighs* You have no idea how much I missed writing about something, even if it was only rambling about my life. I feel like I have to start over again. New photos, new topics, new blog name…hmm, we’ll see.

I hope you’re all well, I’ve missed all of you.




Dear WordPress, I’m deeply sorry. I apologize for abandoning you like that. A lot has happened since my last post.

I got a new job, which I truly despise. But I also got my first apartment, which I’m in love with. When my brother moved here, and we both didn’t have jobs, I honestly was thinking the worse. Luckily, everything kind of fell into place, and two weeks ago we moved to our new home. It goes without saying that we couldn’t be happier right now.

Although that makes me very excited, there has been something frustrating me. I’m blocked. I got so many ideas for photos, but I can’t do them, I just can’t. I have no idea what’s happening but whenever I try to do one, and it’s time to edit it, I can’t get through it. They never work. And when I look at my old photos, I don’t like most of them. I don’t know what to do.

Update: I decided to try again and work with this photo I took and put all my effort. I’m so happy it worked. I feel like I’m also in a process of redefining or looking for my style, so that could be a reason why I’ve been feeling like that.


Everything lately have been all new to me, from having bills to facing the real world. In some way, it has been a little frustrating and sad. I don’t know what I want to do, I know that I’m going to pursue my dream of living out of my photography but that takes time. In the meantime, I don’t want to keep working at factories. But for people like me, with no studies, no sales skills and practically no English, that’s almost the only option. This has been bothering and stressing me. I was even thinking to join the air force or something crazy like that. I really am lost right now. Help me life, help me.

My Heart Is Broken

I’m going to pretend this white space is my friend for a moment.

I haven’t talked to you since last week, when my brother arrived. Having him here, without a doubt has been making me feel happier and more motivated.

I thought my three months at my job ended this week, but last Friday when I left work, I got the call that my assignment was completed. I literally cried. Who would have thought? After saying so many times how much I hated it at first. I mean, I still the hate the actual job, but those last days I was having kind of fun. And I was so used to the people already. They could’ve at least told me the day before so I could prepare myself mentally and say goodbye. The thing is, everyone, and I mean everyone, kept telling me that I was going to get hired in. My friend even told me that the person who deals with that said he was going to fight for me to stay. I was so hopeful that I was going back as a permanent employee. But, I still haven’t heard from them. Funny thing is that they’re not getting rid of me that easily. Sort of. My brother got a seasonal job there too. He started yesterday and he already has spoken with more people than I have in my entire life.-_____-. While his bravery and incredible social skills motivate and inspire me, I can’t help but feel jealous and sad.

Back home, I didn’t care that he was the friendly and social one. The one that everyone asked about. I really didn’t care. But here, it does hurt a little bit. This was my dream, I came here first, and trust me, the things I haven’t done in 4 months living here, he will in 2 weeks. Don’t get me wrong, I feel proud and happy for him, but it makes me feel sad about myself. I really wish I had some of his courage.

Now, I have to look for a job, which is making me anxious. I don’t want to have to get used to a new place again. But I have to do it, because as much as I’m enjoying watching every single episode of Sabrina: The Teenage Witch all day long, this is depressing me. *sighs* I wish they call me and ask me to go back, it would make everything so much easier. I’m stressed people, I am. I don’t like this. Hopefully my next post will have great news.

“Temporary Home”

temporary home

Hello, how are all of you doing?

I don’t know if I wrote about this already, but we moved to another house, and although there are new rules here that the person writing this dislike with passion, it feels a lot nicer. Besides that, I’m screaming with happiness because as you’re reading this, my brother is in a plane from PR to here. Yes, he is moving. A lot of things will contribute to the fact of him staying or not, but we have hope everything will work out. Not just for him, but for me too. My three months at work are almost over, I’m really hoping they hire me. If that happens, and my brother gets a job, we’re getting an apartment together. And I can’t tell you how excited I am for that. That means not being told everyday after you got home from work how you didn’t put the sponge where it was, or how you didn’t turn off the light, or whatever you did wrong. It means freedom. And it means home.

temporary home

Which leads me to the main subject of this post. After a month (I think) of being lazy and failing to do a photo, I went out there and shot something. I want to really commit to do photos that truly represent what I’m going through or what I’m feeling at that moment. I’m not sure this one shows visually what it means, but basically this has been my life over the last few months. Everything has been temporary. I’ve already moved twice in 4 months, and hopefully one more soon. My job is temporary. And some feelings and changes in me have also felt temporary. All of this feels strange and I still feel like I haven’t found my ground, my place or whatever it is my mind wants to say right now.

Of course, I was extremely happy to do this again. It helps my mood. I can’t wait for everything that is about to happen. I’ll keep you posted.