While you’re reading this, I’m already on my plane to San Antonio, Texas for basic military training. I just wanted to take a moment to thank you all for all your support throughout this entire journey, since I started blogging. WordPress changed my life, and I’m very grateful for the people I’ve met here. You all are so incredible.
As you can imagine, I’m really really nervous, but I’m also feeling positive. So I’m hoping after the first week I don’t feel so much like crying.
I’m not saying goodbye, but I’m going to be gone for two months, and after that I might not be able to blog a lot, but I’m definitely going to try my best to do so. I can’t actually wait to tell you about how everything went.
We’ll talk soon. Thanks a lot for everything guys, I hope you’re doing great.
I’m starting this post from the place it all started. My little corner on the couch of my house. Not my house anymore, my home. Now, after a few days, I’m finishing it in the place that made me happy and changed my life, my actual house..or apartment.
I don’t recall if I mentioned it here, but these past two weeks I went back home to PR to be with my family and some friends before leaving for the USAF.
When I got there, I immediately remembered why I wanted to leave that place in the first place. I felt weird the first day at my house, like it wasn’t my house anymore. The days passed and that feeling went away. It was like reliving my life a year ago.
I feel grateful that I got to spend a few days back there, like the old days, with my parents, enjoying every second. I made new friends, one of them gave me the most perfect last day. It was honestly beautiful.
I understood that PR is always going to feel like home, that even though I don’t really like it, it’s going to give me that sense of comfort and warmth that nothing else probably will.
My heart is full of beautiful memories. I’m going to miss so much.
‘Everything you’re running away from is in your head’
This will probably be my last photo before leaving for BMT. I’m feeling every possible emotion that one could ever feel. But I’m positive that facing all my fears and hopefully overcoming them will give me a new perspective on things, which can help me creatively. I’m really looking forward to see what the Air Force brings for me.
I’m so glad I was able to finish this series, my first ever series. It’s not exactly like I imagined it, but it’s something. Something really personal. I leave in two weeks, yes, I’m nervous, I feel like I’m dying. But it’ll be fine.
I’ll try to talk to you before I leave, hope you’re all doing fine.
This is so funny guys, I can’t say anything about this photo, and that’s exactly what this photo is about. I guess it’s too personal the feeling that this one represents that I just can’t. I don’t know why.
I already finished this series, I’ll post the last one next week. I’m really happy that I got to finish it as it’s really important to me.
I’ll talk to you soon.
My previous photo “Please Don’t Bite” is the first one of my new series called “Anxiety”. This is the second one, representing how we miss the bigger picture when we try to over analyze every single detail of every single thing. Sometimes the most enjoyable things are the little ones, the ones we ignore trying to find the meaning of the ones that don’t have any.
I don’t remember if I told you, but I leave for the Air Force on February 23. I just hope to be able to finish this series before I leave, I think it’s a great way for me to express my anxiety. I’ll talk to you soon.
I won’t apologize again to you for my lack of posts, and for disappearing again, because let’s be honest, I can’t start every post the same way.
It hurts to say this, but I’ve failed myself. I completely lost what I wanted to keep the most. A few minutes ago I was reading some of my old posts, and I found a little paragraph that I wrote to myself, for me to read it after 6 months of having moved here. It’s been 11 months already, and although I did read it after six months, when I read it again today, it made me wonder why. Why did I ever stop creating?
I don’t create anything nowadays. Not a photo, not an illustration, I don’t even write anymore. Heck, I can’t even read a book! I’ve had a book in my nightstand for months and I’m not halfway through it yet.
I also came here hoping to make my art my career, and never stop trying as hard as it was. I gave up without even trying. Now I’m leaving for the Air Force, and I’m scared of losing myself entirely. I’m scared to live the life that I’ve always said I didn’t want for me. A life with no dreams, because they’re just too unreal. A life with no magic.
What I really need to do right now to feel like myself again is to simply create, and find my happiness in whatever I do. If any of you have struggled with the same thing, how do you deal with it?
I apologize for my lack of positivity right now, and it’s not that I’m not happy, I just feel like I’m slowly losing a huge part of me. I don’t want to find happiness with no creativity involved in my life. Again, I’m sorry, I wanted to express my feelings the way I used to, blogging.
I don’t even know how to put into words how much I’ve missed this. Creating. It’s been three months since I did a self portrait. A couple of weeks ago, I did the engagement session for my brother and her fiancé. But as much as I loved it, I needed to do one of mine.
A lot has happened these past few days. I’m officially part of the US Air Force. I want to write a post about how was MEPS and all the process but it’s too long. I’m lazy. But yes, I’m more than excited.
My parents came to visit my brother and I, it was just like old times. They’re already gone. Life without them is not easy.
So yesterday, I told my brother to go with me take this photo, because my heart couldn’t take it anymore. I needed to feel what I feel when I create. I feel my true essence. This one, may look simple, but it’s right for what’s happening currently in my life.
I’m about to take a journey, which terrifies me, but as scary as it is, I’m not going to let fear stop me. All of this is completely new and weird for me. Sometimes I feel like I’m not going to belong, but I’m sure going to try it. I know the Air force has great things for me.
I’m so glad to be back on track. I miss you guys. Hope you like this little photo.