I feel like maybe this is a waste of time or words considering the amount of people that must have forgot about me by now, but I’m still going to write this post.
First of all, hi.
I hope you’ve all been good, I can’t imagine the amazing things I’ve missed from all of you.
As some of you may remember, I left for Air Force BMT this past February and I was supposed to write my post BMT post in April, because BMT is only two months. WELL, NOT FOR ME.
Unfortunately, me not being in shape at all and not being used to run on concrete for half an hour three days a week had me suffer some not pleasant consequences. I got stress fractures on my legs and was sent to “MED HOLD”, and that was my home for two more months. I could go on and on about how awful that experience was, but that’s for another post.
The thing is, I almost didn’t graduate. I was about to go home. But fortunately, I did graduate, then I went to tech school and graduated, and now I’m in operational Air Force, at my first duty station, McConnel AFB in Kansas. Very exciting place, I know. It’s not bad at all, actually.
I’m going to leave all the details (there are way too many) for another post or possibly a video. Everything has been a crazy experience and I want to share it with who ever is still here.
Just know I’m good, I’ve missed blogging and taking pictures, and I’ll talk to you soon.
While you’re reading this, I’m already on my plane to San Antonio, Texas for basic military training. I just wanted to take a moment to thank you all for all your support throughout this entire journey, since I started blogging. WordPress changed my life, and I’m very grateful for the people I’ve met here. You all are so incredible.
As you can imagine, I’m really really nervous, but I’m also feeling positive. So I’m hoping after the first week I don’t feel so much like crying.
I’m not saying goodbye, but I’m going to be gone for two months, and after that I might not be able to blog a lot, but I’m definitely going to try my best to do so. I can’t actually wait to tell you about how everything went.
We’ll talk soon. Thanks a lot for everything guys, I hope you’re doing great.
I’m starting this post from the place it all started. My little corner on the couch of my house. Not my house anymore, my home. Now, after a few days, I’m finishing it in the place that made me happy and changed my life, my actual house..or apartment.
I don’t recall if I mentioned it here, but these past two weeks I went back home to PR to be with my family and some friends before leaving for the USAF.
When I got there, I immediately remembered why I wanted to leave that place in the first place. I felt weird the first day at my house, like it wasn’t my house anymore. The days passed and that feeling went away. It was like reliving my life a year ago.
I feel grateful that I got to spend a few days back there, like the old days, with my parents, enjoying every second. I made new friends, one of them gave me the most perfect last day. It was honestly beautiful.
I understood that PR is always going to feel like home, that even though I don’t really like it, it’s going to give me that sense of comfort and warmth that nothing else probably will.
My heart is full of beautiful memories. I’m going to miss so much.
‘Everything you’re running away from is in your head’
This will probably be my last photo before leaving for BMT. I’m feeling every possible emotion that one could ever feel. But I’m positive that facing all my fears and hopefully overcoming them will give me a new perspective on things, which can help me creatively. I’m really looking forward to see what the Air Force brings for me.
I’m so glad I was able to finish this series, my first ever series. It’s not exactly like I imagined it, but it’s something. Something really personal. I leave in two weeks, yes, I’m nervous, I feel like I’m dying. But it’ll be fine.
I’ll try to talk to you before I leave, hope you’re all doing fine.
This is so funny guys, I can’t say anything about this photo, and that’s exactly what this photo is about. I guess it’s too personal the feeling that this one represents that I just can’t. I don’t know why.
I already finished this series, I’ll post the last one next week. I’m really happy that I got to finish it as it’s really important to me.
I’ll talk to you soon.
My previous photo “Please Don’t Bite” is the first one of my new series called “Anxiety”. This is the second one, representing how we miss the bigger picture when we try to over analyze every single detail of every single thing. Sometimes the most enjoyable things are the little ones, the ones we ignore trying to find the meaning of the ones that don’t have any.
I don’t remember if I told you, but I leave for the Air Force on February 23. I just hope to be able to finish this series before I leave, I think it’s a great way for me to express my anxiety. I’ll talk to you soon.
I won’t apologize again to you for my lack of posts, and for disappearing again, because let’s be honest, I can’t start every post the same way.
It hurts to say this, but I’ve failed myself. I completely lost what I wanted to keep the most. A few minutes ago I was reading some of my old posts, and I found a little paragraph that I wrote to myself, for me to read it after 6 months of having moved here. It’s been 11 months already, and although I did read it after six months, when I read it again today, it made me wonder why. Why did I ever stop creating?
I don’t create anything nowadays. Not a photo, not an illustration, I don’t even write anymore. Heck, I can’t even read a book! I’ve had a book in my nightstand for months and I’m not halfway through it yet.
I also came here hoping to make my art my career, and never stop trying as hard as it was. I gave up without even trying. Now I’m leaving for the Air Force, and I’m scared of losing myself entirely. I’m scared to live the life that I’ve always said I didn’t want for me. A life with no dreams, because they’re just too unreal. A life with no magic.
What I really need to do right now to feel like myself again is to simply create, and find my happiness in whatever I do. If any of you have struggled with the same thing, how do you deal with it?
I apologize for my lack of positivity right now, and it’s not that I’m not happy, I just feel like I’m slowly losing a huge part of me. I don’t want to find happiness with no creativity involved in my life. Again, I’m sorry, I wanted to express my feelings the way I used to, blogging.