Envy.

  Have you ever felt envy of other people? Felt so little beside other person? I have. The main reason for this to happen is when you compare yourself to that person that you think is so much better than you. Honestly, if you’re going to do that, you might as well shoot you 4 times. It’s probably one of the most painful things to feel in the world. I had the habit of comparing myself to others all the time, I’ve always wanted to be better, to have greatest ideas, more skills, more talents, be smarter than everyone and believe me, it was very oppressive. But it sure taught me a lot of things. The most recent case was with this friend I made in college. When I first met him I was very impressed by his intelligence and all the things that for me, made him incredible. I also felt very identified with him because we were so much alike and I thought that he was a wonderful person, but in a good way. When our friendship started to grow something in me changed. I was starting to feel envious but in most times it just passed quickly and I forgot about it. But one day I got offered to write something for a project of our class and that made me incredibly happy because I was going to do something very important which so meaningful to me. The day after, the professor changed his mind and asked everyone to write something and based on that he was going to choose the best. That sure made me mad and I started to doubt if mine was good enough. When the day came, my professor read what my friend had written
and he was just so amazed by it. I thought that I didn’t have a chance against him. He told me mine was good. That killed me. He decided to use my friend’s, of course. I don’t know if I can explain with words what I felt in that moment. I wanted to run out of the class and cry and just disappear. I know it may sound like I was overreacting but I wasn’t used to that feeling. I wasn’t used to losing to anyone because I wasn’t used to compete with anyone. A part of me was happy for him, but the other part was dying of envy. That day, I left college early and when I came home I
started to cry and didn’t stop for 2 hours. I was thinking of all the things he was better at than me. In my mind there were a lot. After I was done crying, the feeling faded. Though I felt so much better and realized I was wrong for feeling that way, if you ask me what’s my worst day I’d probably say it’s that one. We were distant for a little while but then it was all back to normal and I learned that he was great at some things and i was great at others and together we made a really great team, even though we decided not to work together anymore because it didn’t went so well the first time. I still feel envious of him sometimes but I think it’s a good envy. I’m just thankful to know him. I am much more confident now and everyday I try to only compete with myself.

Don’t compare yourself to anyone. It’s a very fast and effective way of killing your confidence.

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2 thoughts on “Envy.

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