I don’t know what it’s worse. Me not talking to anyone or me just being utterly used to it and not minding a bit. Well…it’s not that I don’t mind exactly because I do, it’s just that I’m so used to that feeling that I simply ignore it. I’m not a fan of people. It takes a lot for me to like someone, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like to have more friends. I’m not asking for a huge amount of friends. But I would like to have someone to talk to. I know that maybe I would make some friends if I go out and get a job but *sighs* I’m trying to work on that. I only talk with my parents, and my brother and sister. I have absolutely zero social life. I do have one friend, he have been my friend for 6 years and our friendship was beautiful, in some ways. We were so dependent of each other that it became awful for me. That was the reason why I didn’t have any friends in school. It’s a lot more than that but I’m not going to talk about that now. The problem is that he is so much like me, well not that much anymore. We had so many insecurities and fears but he has always been stronger and more fearless than me. Even though he didn’t call them friends, he had friends. Not so close like our friendship, but he had people that cared and talked with him. Over the past year we kind of grew apart. We still talk and he comes to visit me once in a while, but it’s not the same. He got over his fears. He has a job, he has some friends, he goes out and he does all the things that I’m still too afraid of doing. I feel like I can’t really talk with him about my things because he either says “Me too” or I just don’t feel like he’s really listening. He understands me but doesn’t hear me. And it’s so frustrating to not even talk with your best friend. I don’t feel good when I’m talking with him, I hate to say it but it’s the truth. Our friendship in general is not fun anymore, it’s boring. Don’t take me wrong, I love him, but I don’t like to spend so much time together. It makes me feel worse about myself. All I’m asking is to be heard and be helped by someone that really cares.