These past months I’ve realized that I still feel like I’m 16 when in reality I’m 18. I swear my mind thinks I’m 16. When I was 16 I felt with some sort of freedom but not ready to take responsibilities and act like an adult. None of that has changed. I don’t feel ready to do those things. The only way I can make me believe I’m a grown up is not being with my parents. But that’s pretty impossible for the moment.
For me, all the phases and changes you have to get through while you grow up as a kid, have always been very hard and took a lot of time. Perhaps, me sleeping with my parents until I was like 10 because I was too scared to sleep alone has got to do something with that. Perhaps the fact that I was stuck and used to do everything with my only best friend for 5 years of my life also has got to do something with that. I don’t know. I honestly don’t know why I’m the way I am, why everything that is normal to other people, to me is like jumping a bridge.
I need to grow up, because otherwise I’m going to be useless for the rest of my life, living with my parents, not speaking to anyone because I’m scared to go out and do the things I need to do. I need to be able to drive alone, to be in a store and buy something alone, get a job, talk to people, make decisions. I need to be 18.
I know that change it’s up to me but it’s not easy. I’m not strong and brave enough. But I’ll be..soon.
Have a great day, bloggers. 🙂