First of all, fortunately, I didn’t have to fly alone. The flight was..good. Except for the part that I didn’t know my computer bag would be that heavy, so I ended up with no shoulders. When I arrived, of course, I was happy. I was happy that I was going to see my brother and my niece and my 6 months old great-niece. But I was so nervous, I was going to be staying at my brother’s house who consists of 6 people, one of them is my brother, the other his girlfriend who I’ve already met, and the other 4 are my brother’s girlfriend’s kids who don’t speak Spanish. That’s a lot for me, considering that I’ve never been a person that liked being around so many people and much less people who don’t speak your language. When I arrived to the house and was introduced to all of them and finally see for the first time my great-niece, I wanted to cry. I did. I really was holding back my tears. It was all so overwhelming. I don’t know if it was the huge amount of people, or the fact that I’m so awkward and shy and coward around people I don’t know.
I know it’s only the first day, and that probably, at least i hope so, I will feel more comfortable later. But I’m not liking it. I hate to say it but it’s the truth. And I think the decision of me moving here or not, it will be up to me at the end. My brother thinks that I came to see how I feel being here to decide if I want to stay or not. And I know I should be dying of excitement right now because that’s what I’ve always wanted. But in reality, it makes more sad. I wish I loved being here. I don’t know if I want to risk being comfortable for staying here. I’m not asking for anything, I told myself that if my brother asked me to stay, even if I would be crying everyday, I would stay anyway. But being here, I’m not so sure now. If I had a job, that assured me that I would be independent soon and get my own place, I would do it. I really hope I’ll make the right decision when it’s time.
Today I’m going shopping with my niece and sister, so that should brighten my day. Not that I love shopping, because I really don’t, I always end up depressed because nothing fits me me right.
Aghh I don’t know what to think. I don’t know what I want. Not anymore.
Have a great day, I’ll make sure I will.