Graduation day; the day where a big chapter ends and another bigger one starts. That special day where you celebrate all of your efforts throughout 12 very important years of your life. The day where your family come to hug you telling you how proud they are. The day where you and your friends promise each other to remain friends and to never forget the adventures you had. The day where you and some high school crush make a pact that if you find each other in ten years and you’re both single, you will get married ( well, maybe that only happens in movies). The grand finale of a long season. Graduation day; the one day I didn’t have.
High school wasn’t that crazy amazing adventure like a movie for me. I was that isolated girl with that one friend that some people thought was my boyfriend because they didn’t know he was gay. That shy girl who didn’t like to have any kind of attention but stood out because of her bright fuchsia hair.
Even though I had some “friends”, my only friend was my best friend. If that makes any sense. I call them “friends” because they were only fellow classmates, and as much as some of us talked and shared some pretty things, I never had the connection I had with my best friend. We were more friends with teachers and school staff than with our classmates. And in that moment, we loved being that way. I was never very fond of people my age. We didn’t have anything in common and our interests were way too different. They were into talking about boys and gossiping about each other while my best friend and I were into long deep conversations that used to end in nothing but a bigger question mark. He and I were the kind of student that made such a big deal about an oral presentation. We would always have the biggest laugh attacks while everyone else in the classroom were dead serious. I remember once, we were late to our first class and when we were entering the classroom, OUT OF NOWHERE, we started laughing uncontrollably. And once we started, there was no way of stopping. And the teacher(that didn’t like us that much) kept yelling at us asking us why were we laughing, but of course, we couldn’t answer. Our laugh attacks made us get kicked out of classrooms several times and fail some oral presentations. It also made us win us a trip to the office.
But as much as we laughed and laughed more than anyone in school and had some of our best moments of our life, school was boring. And tedious. We couldn’t stand the way teachers evaluate the students. The things they were giving us. The way our system education was. Very very poor. So because we were always kind of the rebel ones, we decided to take our senior year in 4 days. YES. ONLY 4 DAYS. How could I refuse that? It was cheap, it was right after finishing junior year, it was easy, fast, so why not? We did that with 3 other friends of our school. Even though they were from 8:00am to 5:30pm, we had fun and actually learned some useful things there. Until this day, we haven’t regretted that decision. And at that moment we didn’t care about graduation but now, I sort of do.
The only graduation I attended was the one from 6th grade. It was a big deal because I was graduating with 4.0 gpa, vice-president and my brother was also graduating from 9th grade from the same school. I don’t remember much about it, but I guess it was..you know..boring like every graduation is..but fun? I don’t know.
In 9th grade, I attended my graduation BUT as my friend’s guest. I just asked him if I didn’t participate because of a particular reason but, apparently I just wasn’t interested. It doesn’t surprise me though. I never was interested in anything “school and having to spend time with people” related. But I went to..I don’t know why I went, maybe to support him? To celebrate my efforts without the part of me getting uncomfortably dressed and having to smile in front of everybody accepting my medals? I think that was why.
And the last one, the most important one, the high school graduation. 12 years.
Yesterday, I was watching the season finale of Switched at Birth and for some reason it made me so emotional. Tears falling down kind of emotional. And it made me want to have a graduation myself. I feel like I needed that in some way. Having that closure. Getting ready for the new life of new responsibilities and problems that aren’t as easy as math. In math, there was always a right answer to get to, in life you don’t know. It’s constantly a trial and error thing that you never quite solve. Not that it’s not exciting though.
As boring and long as they are, I want to have a graduation. I want to throw my cap in the air along with my past self.
I told myself yesterday, that when I become successful, and I’m happy and grateful for everything I have, when I feel that the part of me that needed to grow up did, I want to have a graduation. I want to do it with my best friend where each of us recite speeches of whatever we want to say. With a proper gown and hat. We will be graduating from life.
I don’t know if I should do that when I’m older and I have overcomes a lot of fears or if I should do it now before I move, to officially let go of this time of my life where I do nothing. What do you think?
I also didn’t go to my college graduation because I didn’t pay my debt so, I really want to have one. And regardless of when it is, i want to record it and show it to you.
Congratulations to everyone that graduated, and to those who haven’t, if you think you don’t want to go, you don’t have to, but at least do something in representation of it, something where you can officially end that part of your life. You may need it.