Well, what a hell of a first day this was.
I don’t know what I was expecting, if I was expecting to actually feel nice and content..but whatever the heck I was expecting, it wasn’t the case at all.
When I arrived I was great the first two hours. After that, you can say that THIS thing hit me like 687566 knives.
Since then I’ve been crying nonstop. Literally. Nonstop.
I just wanted to go back to my family and freeze that moment forever. Stay at this age, not having to grow up and move away from them ever. I wanted to not want what I want.
I kept thinking that I was never going to live with them again, that it was never going to be the same, that maybe I would stop being daddy’s girl, and I just couldn’t bare with that thought. Imagine this in the more dramatic way you can, because it was. Since my family and I said goodbye, it’s been so dramatic that not even background music was needed. My saddest moment of my life turned out to be the one like a movie.
I feel lost. Alone. Disappointed. Unhappy. Destroyed. Like I’m drowning.
But I talked with my sister and her mother, and it helped me. That and crying all day. I just want to go to sleep and try to wake up tomorrow with a better attitude. And like they said, this is just an experience. Even if it turns to be good or bad, I’ll learn something from this. And I always can go back and try new things. The best thing I have is that I’m young and have nothing to lose.
Guys, I don’t know if I’m going to survive here, I’m going to see it as vacations for now.
I wish I could tell you everything I’m feeling, but then I would rant too much.
Sometimes, the stupid part of me complained because my life didn’t have any drama. Now I feel like life said to me “Aha? You want drama? Here. Take it ALL.”
This is the weirdest, craziest thing that has ever happened to me. I don’t know where I am right now. I don’t want to let me down. This is going to be an agony. I don’t want this. I miss my family so much I think I’m going to get sick. I don’t know what to do.
And this is only the first day.
Thank you guys sooo much, thanks for being there! I don’t know what would I do without you right now ❤