First Day: What The Heck Did I just Do?

Well, what a hell of a first day this was.

I don’t know what I was expecting, if I was expecting to actually feel nice and content..but whatever the heck I was expecting, it wasn’t the case at all.

When I arrived I was great the first two hours. After that, you can say that THIS thing hit me like 687566 knives.

Since then I’ve been crying nonstop. Literally. Nonstop.

I just wanted to go back to my family and freeze that moment forever. Stay at this age, not having to grow up and move away from them ever. I wanted to not want what I want.

I kept thinking that I was never going to live with them again, that it was never going to be the same, that maybe I would stop being daddy’s girl, and I just couldn’t bare with that thought. Imagine this in the more dramatic way you can, because it was. Since my family and I said goodbye, it’s been so dramatic that not even background music was needed. My saddest moment of my life turned out to be the one like a movie.

I feel lost. Alone. Disappointed. Unhappy. Destroyed. Like I’m drowning.

But I talked with my sister and her mother, and it helped me. That and crying all day. I just want to go to sleep and try to wake up tomorrow with a better attitude. And like they said, this is just an experience. Even if it turns to be good or bad, I’ll learn something from this. And I always can go back and try new things. The best thing I have is that I’m young and have nothing to lose.

Guys, I don’t know if I’m going to survive here, I’m going to see it as vacations for now.

I wish I could tell you everything I’m feeling, but then I would rant too much.

Sometimes, the stupid part of me complained because my life didn’t have any drama. Now I feel like life said to me “Aha? You want drama? Here. Take it ALL.”

This is the weirdest, craziest thing that has ever happened to me. I don’t know where I am right now. I don’t want to let me down. This is going to be an agony. I don’t want this. I miss my family so much I think I’m going to get sick. I don’t know what to do.

And this is only the first day.

Thank you guys sooo much, thanks for being there! I don’t know what would I do without you right now ❤


8 thoughts on “First Day: What The Heck Did I just Do?

  1. Good Luck to you! It’s ok to be scared.
    They say it takes about 6 months to truly settle in to a place (and that has been my experience too). I know 6 months seems impossible when you’re sad and anxious, but you can do it!
    Just remember, you are already so much stronger and braver than you think (proven by the fact that you moved even while scared and sad).

  2. Aw sweety! I can tell that family means the world to you and I’m happy that you have that special bond with them. A part of growing up is to leave the comfort zone and explore the world of opportunities and it will no be a straight road, you will hit some bumps on the road but no matter what just be strong and everything will be alright in the end! You have people who cares about you and will support you! Lots of love ❤ Nad

    1. They mean absolutely everything to me! I think that what’s really getting to me is not that I don’t like being here, it’s the fact that I have to grow up and leave my comfort zone. My main goal coming here was to speak English and learn to be independent. It will be hard but I’m sure I will achieve that. And I am feeling better today. Thank you so much for your comment Nad, you guys mean so much to me ❤

  3. There are times in life when we are confronted with challenges and it is how we react to these that often shape us as people. I hope that you start to feel better. Remember, you can always go back but after some time you will feel better and more confident.

    1. I’m feeling a bit better now, more determined I guess. I never used to challenge myself, so this has been rough but you’re right, I can’t wait to see how this experience changes my life. Thanks for the comment ❤ (:

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