A couple of years ago, I found out what social anxiety was, and after reading endless explanations of what it was, I was convinced that it was what I had. What I have.
I felt kind of unsure because I didn’t suffer from panic attacks. Not that I knew of anyway. Although you don’t have to have panic attacks to suffer from anxiety. But to be honest, I always avoided situations that may lead to that.
Until now. All my life, I’ve lived in my own little bubble, not doing things out of fear. And now, I’ve had to do it all at once. Everything, all at once. It goes without saying that it has been more than overwhelming.
I’ve been doing honestly so much better, I’m getting back my positive attitude so that had helped me a lot. Specially to recover the patience that I had lost and my good humor. Now I even have sort of a friend. He works with me, and gave me his number so I texted him. He did it with another intentions at first but I needed a friend, and he has been a good one. Although we don’t talk at work. We just text because well…words can’t come out of my mouth. So frustrating..but that’s a whole other post.
The thing is, just when I thought my anxiety had leveled down, I started having panic attacks. This isn’t a big deal, I just wanted to talk to you guys because you always make me feel better. They’re not bad, mine are very mild. At first, I didn’t know what was happening but then I realized that they were panic attacks. It happens almost every morning when I start working, I get dizzy, I get hot/cold flashes, I start shaking and it’s just harder to breathe.
They’re weird. But I’m not going to make a big fuss about it, I think for a person like me, doing what I’m doing, it’s pretty normal to have them. Thinking about it better, they actually make me feel good, because if I’m having them, it means that I’m doing something that scares me, which means I’m out of my comfort zone (not that I didn’t know this of course), which means that I’m living. I’m actually living people. And it’s scary as hell.