Catching up.

Well, HI! It’s been quite a while, I don’t know why. I don’t know why I keep doing less of what makes me happy.

Perhaps this is totally irrelevant to you, but I just wanted to let you know how things are going in my life.

I changed my hair. I thought I would panic when I saw all that chopped hair on the floor but I didn’t feel a single thing. So now it’s 6 inches shorter and black. I’ve always been so protective with my hair and never thought I would dye it at such a young age, but what the heck, why not?

Last Friday, I went out with my friend (kind of) from work. That meant no Spanish, out there naked. I thought I’d be more nervous, but no. I was just disappointed. With me. Again. I still can’t speak it guys. Unless someone asks me something like “How long have you been living here?” so I can answer with a fact, I can’t. When it’s something that requires my personal opinion, I don’t say anything. You don’t know how humiliated I feel every day. Although I’m proud because I have spoken quite more than I expected in situations where I have to. The thing is, I feel like it’s not going away. This fear is stuck with me. Do you really think it will go away?

Last thing, kind of silly, that I wanted to talk to you about was about this guy from work. Aghh I’m so mad. I had seen him a couple of times, but never really paid attention. He was just one of the few white guys at work. That maybe sounds totally racist, I swear I didn’t mean it like that. Anyway, there was one day, where he kind of smiled at me. I was like “oooh”. Then, later that day, when he walked by my work area, he gave me the biggest smile and waved at me. I smiled at waved back. That was the moment I fell in love. With his smile, I mean. Honestly, every time I think about it I feel all warm inside. It wasn’t like a normal smile, it was genuine and complete. Am I making sense? Anyway, it was beautiful! Just with that smile I knew that he had the kind of personality that I love in guys. I was so excited. When I was waiting for someone to pick me up that afternoon, I realized I left my headphones in my work area, so I rushed back and got them. And guess what? When I was leaving, I bumped into him. He smiled at me again and asked me “how are you doing?”, and guess what??? Me being incredibly stupid, acting like I was in a hurry, just said “good” not even facing him that much. -_____- Then, someone else came and started talking to him. I kept walking, very fast (I don’t know whyyy!!!) and the last words I heard from him were “have a nice life” (to the other guy). That was a Friday, I was so looking forward to that Monday, to be able to smile at him, and possibly talk. I’M STILL WAITING FOR HIM. THAT WAS WEEKS AGO, HE HASN’T RETURNED TO WORK. Can you believe that? Thanks life, that was awesome. I can’t seem to get him out of my mind. This is so stupid, but true. I don’t even know his name. Oh well, I’ll get over it.

I hope you’re all doing fantastic.

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7 thoughts on “Catching up.

  1. Aaaw sweety! I can totally relate to how you feel 😦 I’m sorry! Guys makes me nervous too when I really like them but we have to be brave and take a chance even if you feel like trowing up or forgetting your name. He totally seemed to notice you by smiling and waving which is a GOOD sign! If you see him next time, talk to him and ask if he wants to grab some coffee (I really hope he is single for your sake). I will cheer for you and YOU CAN DO IT!!! I hope you see him soon! Good luck doll! Lots of love ❀

  2. Learning a new language is so hard! Just keep at it, you’ll get it eventually. I can totally understand how that would be really frustrating.

    It can be really difficult to talk to someone new. I recently had to work up the courage to call a local business and ask if they would be interested in collaborating for an upcoming event, and I was bloody terrified. But so proud of myself for doing it, because now I have a show to look forward to this year. I know you can have courage too!

    Best of luck with life things πŸ™‚

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