I won’t apologize again to you for my lack of posts, and for disappearing again, because let’s be honest, I can’t start every post the same way.
It hurts to say this, but I’ve failed myself. I completely lost what I wanted to keep the most. A few minutes ago I was reading some of my old posts, and I found a little paragraph that I wrote to myself, for me to read it after 6 months of having moved here. It’s been 11 months already, and although I did read it after six months, when I read it again today, it made me wonder why. Why did I ever stop creating?
I don’t create anything nowadays. Not a photo, not an illustration, I don’t even write anymore. Heck, I can’t even read a book! I’ve had a book in my nightstand for months and I’m not halfway through it yet.
I also came here hoping to make my art my career, and never stop trying as hard as it was. I gave up without even trying. Now I’m leaving for the Air Force, and I’m scared of losing myself entirely. I’m scared to live the life that I’ve always said I didn’t want for me. A life with no dreams, because they’re just too unreal. A life with no magic.
What I really need to do right now to feel like myself again is to simply create, and find my happiness in whatever I do. If any of you have struggled with the same thing, how do you deal with it?
I apologize for my lack of positivity right now, and it’s not that I’m not happy, I just feel like I’m slowly losing a huge part of me. I don’t want to find happiness with no creativity involved in my life. Again, I’m sorry, I wanted to express my feelings the way I used to, blogging.