Back Home.

I’m starting this post from the place it all started. My little corner on the couch of my house. Not my house anymore, my home. Now, after a few days, I’m finishing it in the place that made me happy and changed my life, my actual house..or apartment.

I don’t recall if I mentioned it here, but these past two weeks I went back home to PR to be with my family and some friends before leaving for the USAF.

When I got there, I immediately remembered why I wanted to leave that place in the first place. I felt weird the first day at my house, like it wasn’t my house anymore. The days passed and that feeling went away. It was like reliving my life a year ago.

I feel grateful that I got to spend a few days back there, like the old days, with my parents, enjoying every second. I made new friends, one of them gave me the most perfect last day. It was honestly beautiful.

I understood that PR is always going to feel like home, that even though I don’t really like it, it’s going to give me that sense of comfort and warmth that nothing else probably will.

My heart is full of beautiful memories. I’m going to miss so much.

Dream Big And Travel A Lot..

Sometimes, if inspiration doesn’t come to you, you have to go and look for it. Sometimes you have the inspiration, but not the motivation. And again, you have to go look for it. BUT sometimes, you just have to wait. And let everything fall into place.

I moved here, to the US, with the dream of having more places and things to use in my photos. And while snow is new for me, and I was excited to incorporate it in my photos, it has become harder and harder for me to shoot.

Maybe it’s because I’m having a hard time at work, or because now I don’t have my parents or brother to go and shoot with me, but I’m lacking motivation. I think of doing one, and it seems so hard. I never have the props I need, these days have been cold..and I don’t know. Yesterday, I tried to do one, and completely failed. I didn’t even put too much effort. That’s why I decided to stop for a moment. Not force it. I’m going to wait until I feel really inspired and motivated to do one. Maybe it’s tomorrow, next week, or next month. But I can’t force it.

Regardless of my lack of everything, I did this little illustration of how I feel about life. My perfect combination, dream and travel. After going to NY, and after working in the hell that I do, I’ve been getting more and more determined to dream big and visit a lot of places. Life is full of different opportunities, and staying in one place and think the same thing your whole life, is a complete waste. That thought make me feel at ease sometimes.

I hope I can create something again soon. I sure miss it.

Thank you,

Minnie.

Vacations: Day 1- Arriving

First of all, fortunately, I didn’t have to fly alone. The flight was..good. Except for the part that I didn’t know my computer bag would be that heavy, so I ended up with no shoulders. When I arrived, of course, I was happy. I was happy that I was going to see my brother and my niece and my 6 months old great-niece. But I was so nervous, I was going to be staying at my brother’s house who consists of 6 people, one of them is my brother, the other his girlfriend who I’ve already met, and the other 4 are my brother’s girlfriend’s kids who don’t speak Spanish. That’s a lot for me, considering that I’ve never been a person that liked being around so many people and much less people who don’t speak your language. When I arrived to the house and was introduced to all of them and finally see for the first time my great-niece, I wanted to cry. I did. I really was holding back my tears. It was all so overwhelming. I don’t know if it was the huge amount of people, or the fact that I’m so awkward and shy and coward around people I don’t know.

I know it’s only the first day, and that probably, at least i hope so, I will feel more comfortable later. But I’m not liking it. I hate to say it but it’s the truth. And I think the decision of me moving here or not, it will be up to me at the end. My brother thinks that I came to see how I feel being here to decide if I want to stay or not. And I know I should be dying of excitement right now because that’s what I’ve always wanted. But in reality, it makes more sad. I wish I loved being here. I don’t know if I want to risk being comfortable for staying here. I’m not asking for anything, I told myself that if my brother asked me to stay, even if I would be crying everyday, I would stay anyway. But being here, I’m not so sure now. If I had a job, that assured me that I would be independent soon and get my own place, I would do it. I really hope I’ll make the right decision when it’s time.

Today I’m going shopping with my niece and sister, so that should brighten my day. Not that I love shopping, because I really don’t, I always end up depressed because nothing fits me me right.

Aghh I don’t know what to think. I don’t know what I want. Not anymore.

Have a great day, I’ll make sure I will.

Thank you,

Minnie.

Flying Solo

The time is coming. I was getting really excited because I was going to fly with MY SISTER this Thursday to my brother’s house in Ohio. And like I wasn’t stressed enough already for having to probably speak English, now I have to fly alone. Me+plane+airport+1stop+a lot of people+english+alone = total disaster.

A few years ago, when I spent my summer there, I had to come back alone but my sister in law walked with me to the gate and I didn’t have to get off the plane. Nevertheless, it was still awful. Sitting between 2 people that you don’t know, nodding and awkwardly smiling pretending you know what they’re talking about, not having anyone to talk to, it wasn’t pretty. But again, it wasn’t that bad because I didn’t have to get off the plane and look for a gate alone in an airport. I knew I would have to experience this at some point of my life, I just didn’t know that it would have to be now. It’s not definitive yet but still, I’m so mad that she had to tell me 2 days before the day. I was expecting something else, I was expecting waking up at 5 am not bothering me at all because I was going to travel, I was expecting being bored and tired on the plane but having someone to share that with, I was expecting feeling protected and having fun.

I really hope that she changes her mind. And if she doesn’t, I guess I have to change my attitude and try to make the most of this experience and feel good being independent for once. However, wish me luck please, because I’m scared.

Thank you,
Minnie.

Exciting news..Traveling to my unknown future.

This week has been a little weird. Well, not weird but weird. The other day I was talking with my father about my plans for the future and what I was going to do. As some of you may or may not know I live in PR and I want to move to the US because there are a lot of more opportunities than here. My older brother lives there, in Ohio. When he came to visit us last September, he told me that I should move with him after I finished college to learn English and study there and that kind of stuff. I told him that I absolutely would but I asked him not to say that just to say it because I didn’t want to get false illusions. The person he’s living now with has 4 children so it’s hard to add someone else to the house. But he told me that it was okay. I trusted him. I was anxious for December to come to finish college and finally move there. But December came, and January, and February and nothing happened. He didn’t even mention it. I was hopeless.

But now my sister is planning to visit them soon, so I thought that I could go with her and see what happens. I talked with my father and he agreed. He told me that this was the opportunity to see if it was possible or not for me to move with him, to see if he would ask me to. My dad spoke with him on the phone to ask him if I could go, apparently he wasn’t so thrilled, but he said yes. I still don’t know when my sister is going to go, I think in a month or so, but I’m going. I should be excited but something in me doesn’t feel right. I don’t know if it is that I don’t want to bother anyone, or the fact that this is going to be the moment that I prove and challenge myself to see if I can really speak English, or the fact that it will just be a vacation and they are not going to ask me to stay. But I guess this will be the moment of truth. This is what I wanted, to finally know if it was possible or not to move with him. If not, then I’m going to work on something myself, and just enjoy the vacation and my time with them. For now, I just have to be thankful for this opportunity and have faith. But I have to admit, I’m extremely scared. Scared that nothing will happen and scared that if it does happen, it’s going to be a drastic change in my life. A change I hope I’m ready for. This trip is going to be like traveling to my unknown future.

Have a great day bloggers!

Thank you,

Minnie.