My Heart Is Broken

I’m going to pretend this white space is my friend for a moment.

I haven’t talked to you since last week, when my brother arrived. Having him here, without a doubt has been making me feel happier and more motivated.

I thought my three months at my job ended this week, but last Friday when I left work, I got the call that my assignment was completed. I literally cried. Who would have thought? After saying so many times how much I hated it at first. I mean, I still the hate the actual job, but those last days I was having kind of fun. And I was so used to the people already. They could’ve at least told me the day before so I could prepare myself mentally and say goodbye. The thing is, everyone, and I mean everyone, kept telling me that I was going to get hired in. My friend even told me that the person who deals with that said he was going to fight for me to stay. I was so hopeful that I was going back as a permanent employee. But, I still haven’t heard from them. Funny thing is that they’re not getting rid of me that easily. Sort of. My brother got a seasonal job there too. He started yesterday and he already has spoken with more people than I have in my entire life.-_____-. While his bravery and incredible social skills motivate and inspire me, I can’t help but feel jealous and sad.

Back home, I didn’t care that he was the friendly and social one. The one that everyone asked about. I really didn’t care. But here, it does hurt a little bit. This was my dream, I came here first, and trust me, the things I haven’t done in 4 months living here, he will in 2 weeks. Don’t get me wrong, I feel proud and happy for him, but it makes me feel sad about myself. I really wish I had some of his courage.

Now, I have to look for a job, which is making me anxious. I don’t want to have to get used to a new place again. But I have to do it, because as much as I’m enjoying watching every single episode of Sabrina: The Teenage Witch all day long, this is depressing me. *sighs* I wish they call me and ask me to go back, it would make everything so much easier. I’m stressed people, I am. I don’t like this. Hopefully my next post will have great news.

Catching up.

Well, HI! It’s been quite a while, I don’t know why. I don’t know why I keep doing less of what makes me happy.

Perhaps this is totally irrelevant to you, but I just wanted to let you know how things are going in my life.

I changed my hair. I thought I would panic when I saw all that chopped hair on the floor but I didn’t feel a single thing. So now it’s 6 inches shorter and black. I’ve always been so protective with my hair and never thought I would dye it at such a young age, but what the heck, why not?

Last Friday, I went out with my friend (kind of) from work. That meant no Spanish, out there naked. I thought I’d be more nervous, but no. I was just disappointed. With me. Again. I still can’t speak it guys. Unless someone asks me something like “How long have you been living here?” so I can answer with a fact, I can’t. When it’s something that requires my personal opinion, I don’t say anything. You don’t know how humiliated I feel every day. Although I’m proud because I have spoken quite more than I expected in situations where I have to. The thing is, I feel like it’s not going away. This fear is stuck with me. Do you really think it will go away?

Last thing, kind of silly, that I wanted to talk to you about was about this guy from work. Aghh I’m so mad. I had seen him a couple of times, but never really paid attention. He was just one of the few white guys at work. That maybe sounds totally racist, I swear I didn’t mean it like that. Anyway, there was one day, where he kind of smiled at me. I was like “oooh”. Then, later that day, when he walked by my work area, he gave me the biggest smile and waved at me. I smiled at waved back. That was the moment I fell in love. With his smile, I mean. Honestly, every time I think about it I feel all warm inside. It wasn’t like a normal smile, it was genuine and complete. Am I making sense? Anyway, it was beautiful! Just with that smile I knew that he had the kind of personality that I love in guys. I was so excited. When I was waiting for someone to pick me up that afternoon, I realized I left my headphones in my work area, so I rushed back and got them. And guess what? When I was leaving, I bumped into him. He smiled at me again and asked me “how are you doing?”, and guess what??? Me being incredibly stupid, acting like I was in a hurry, just said “good” not even facing him that much. -_____- Then, someone else came and started talking to him. I kept walking, very fast (I don’t know whyyy!!!) and the last words I heard from him were “have a nice life” (to the other guy). That was a Friday, I was so looking forward to that Monday, to be able to smile at him, and possibly talk. I’M STILL WAITING FOR HIM. THAT WAS WEEKS AGO, HE HASN’T RETURNED TO WORK. Can you believe that? Thanks life, that was awesome. I can’t seem to get him out of my mind. This is so stupid, but true. I don’t even know his name. Oh well, I’ll get over it.

I hope you’re all doing fantastic.

First Day: What The Heck Did I just Do?

Well, what a hell of a first day this was.

I don’t know what I was expecting, if I was expecting to actually feel nice and content..but whatever the heck I was expecting, it wasn’t the case at all.

When I arrived I was great the first two hours. After that, you can say that THIS thing hit me like 687566 knives.

Since then I’ve been crying nonstop. Literally. Nonstop.

I just wanted to go back to my family and freeze that moment forever. Stay at this age, not having to grow up and move away from them ever. I wanted to not want what I want.

I kept thinking that I was never going to live with them again, that it was never going to be the same, that maybe I would stop being daddy’s girl, and I just couldn’t bare with that thought. Imagine this in the more dramatic way you can, because it was. Since my family and I said goodbye, it’s been so dramatic that not even background music was needed. My saddest moment of my life turned out to be the one like a movie.

I feel lost. Alone. Disappointed. Unhappy. Destroyed. Like I’m drowning.

But I talked with my sister and her mother, and it helped me. That and crying all day. I just want to go to sleep and try to wake up tomorrow with a better attitude. And like they said, this is just an experience. Even if it turns to be good or bad, I’ll learn something from this. And I always can go back and try new things. The best thing I have is that I’m young and have nothing to lose.

Guys, I don’t know if I’m going to survive here, I’m going to see it as vacations for now.

I wish I could tell you everything I’m feeling, but then I would rant too much.

Sometimes, the stupid part of me complained because my life didn’t have any drama. Now I feel like life said to me “Aha? You want drama? Here. Take it ALL.”

This is the weirdest, craziest thing that has ever happened to me. I don’t know where I am right now. I don’t want to let me down. This is going to be an agony. I don’t want this. I miss my family so much I think I’m going to get sick. I don’t know what to do.

And this is only the first day.

Thank you guys sooo much, thanks for being there! I don’t know what would I do without you right now ❤

Goodbye, home.

Well, well..Hello cyber friends.

Today is THE day. The day I longed for so many years. The post I’ve been wanting to write since the beginning of my journey here. THE DAY I LEAVE MY HOME.

For some reason, it doesn’t feel like I thought it would feel. I thought this post was going to have a photo of me smiling in the airport telling you how happy I was. But not at all. I’m writing this four days before, but I already crossed the ocean when you’re reading this.

I always thought that I would be screaming of happiness, and crying and crying from sadness. I’m feeling…blank.

Not quite happy, not quite sad. Just scared, I guess.

The other day something weird happened. My father came to hug me and told me that he still couldn’t believe that I was leaving. My mom and I, of course started crying. That’s not the weird part. The weird part is that since that moment, I feel nothing. Even when we talk about it, I don’t feel like crying, like I always used to.

Maybe I shut down a part of me to avoid sadness.

I’m scared. So scared. And my main fear hasn’t changed. It’s speaking English. Why do I have to fear something so harmless as a language? I’m scared that I won’t be able to ask for a job and I’ll let myself down. I’m scared that I’ll never get used to that life.

My only weapon is to be positive and have faith that everything will be okay.

Sometimes when I think about this it feels more like I’m doing something against my will, I don’t know why I’m feeling like this, honestly. I’m lucky. And I feel incredibly grateful for this opportunity, but I don’t know what I’m feeling.

I want to read this in six months and tell my future self a couple of things.

Hello Minnie, how are you doing? I hope your answer is “actually I’m doing really great, I have a job, I have friends, I’m independent..I feel happy” but if it’s not, and you’re feeling sad and scared and wanting to go back to PR(oh gosh I hope you don’t want that) please know that this takes time, You knew that. This is not easy, but you can do it. If today you’re not feeling good, I want you to go out and make a photo, or an illustration, or just write something in your blog. Do something, smile, believe that everything will be okay, because it will. Right now, I’m feeling positive, scared, but positive. I hope that hasn’t changed.

If you ask me right now, “are you ready?, do you know what you’re doing?”, this will be my answer: No, but that’s the most exciting part.

For some of you this may not seem like a big deal, but trust me, a 19 years old girl who has social anxiety which makes everything harder, leaving her parents that are the most precious thing to her, to go to an English speaking country without a plan and a big fear to their language, IS A BIG DEAL.

I wish I could describe this in better words, but I can’t. My mind is a little bit of a mess right now.

*sighs* This is so hard. I’ll talk to you again when I’m settled there.

Thank you.

“Farewell”

A bit late, but oh well. Here’s my photo of this week.

I leave on Monday, well, on Sunday really because the plane leaves at 1:58 am (he he -_-) but I feel like a part of me, a part of my life, already left. Another part of me wishes I wasn’t leaving, and the other wishes to leave already. These days have been weird, I keep setting my DVR to record some programs that are for next week. Then I realize that I won’t be here anymore. *sighs*

I hope you enjoy this photo, I like it because I never use clothes like this but I like the look it brings to it.

Before

“After every storm, the sun will smile…”

People are not wrong when they say that the night is darker jut before the dawn. This past month has been a little rough for me, nothing dramatic, just emotional roller coasters. It hasn’t been that dark, but I can see little rays of the sun.

There are several things that have been making me feel sad. At first this year, I didn’t allow myself to feel that emotion because I wanted to be positive. But now I understand that it’s perfectly okay to feel it.

So many things, but a lot of them, I just can’t remember. But being one of them is the fact that no matter the support I get from my loyal readers, I don’t feel enough. I know that no matter what I do, I’m not going to be as good as everyone else. Sometimes I feel like the ugly ducking. It’s not that I’ve thrown my positivity out the window, because it’s okay to feel this. That doesn’t make it true, or that doesn’t mean that I’m going to stop blogging. But the feeling is there, and I can’t ignore it. I just have to learn to focus more on the positive ones.

I also felt a little lost and doubtful. What if my photos are not good enough? What if I have to work at a fast food for the rest of my life? What if I’m scared all my life?

After I learned to control my emotions a tiny bit, some wonderful things happened that made me smile again.

I was updated to Premium on a fantastic photography web site Student Stock and was given a promo code on 500px.com. Then, on a Halloween contest on Student Stock, my “Dead” photo won the 2nd place( which was exciting for me because I’ve never won a contest before) and they gave me a 25$ Amazon Gift Card. Also, a while ago I got an email from a fellow blogger asking me if I could do a photo of two of her characters of her book. I’ve always dreamt of doing photos for books and albums, so this opportunity made me very happy. I’ve been reading the things she sent me and I can’t wait to do the photo. That being said, if any of you ever need a photo for something that you think I can do, please don’t hesitate to ask me. I love doing those sort of things. And the other day, I talked to an old special friend. Plus, I’ve been listening to 1989 and Pentatonix. Nothing that good music can’t fix.

I’ve been meaning to film another video but I haven’t been alone in my house 😦 But soon, hopefully. And thank you for your beautiful comments, no matter how less I feel here, the things you say to me always light me up.

“Let Me In”

The “Omg, I’m so excited..I can’t wait…it’s going to be sooo great!!!!” feeling you have when you’re expecting something, but then when you see it, you realize that is sooo not great. *sighs* That’s basically the perfect description of my week.

I’m going to talk about an awful experience in another post, but my grand finale of my Halloween series hasn’t been an exception to this feeling. I almost didn’t do it. This week has been very stressful, I’ve been a little sad and I haven’t been physically well either.

I always do my photos on Wednesdays when the sun is going down, but yesterday I was feeling awful, just as I did the past Wednesday too. So I decided to get up very early today and do it because I really didn’t want to miss this week as I was very excited for this photo. I’ve never shot at that hour, I didn’t like it..instead of waiting for the sunset, I was waiting for the sunrise. The grass was wet…anyway..I wasn’t feeling it. And the same thing happened while I was editing it, not feeling it at all. I’m not happy with it and it’s such a bummer because this is the finale.

But I’m not going to stress myself for that, there are so many photos to come and so much time to improve. If there’s something I know is that I’m always going to make photos I will love and others that…mmm not so much. But it’s okay.

Happy Halloween!

Isn’t It Sad?

Isn’t it sad how you see people that used to be friends with you and now you don’t even look at each other? Isn’t it sad how things are not at all how you expected them to be? Isn’t it sad how you feel like you bother people sometimes? Isn’t it sad how we have to let some things go? Isn’t it sad how we have to make our lives and break free from our parents? Isn’t it sad how many people we love we lose? Isn’t it sad saying goodbye? Isn’t it sad how that special song means nothing to you now? Isn’t it sad how we have to die without making reality some of our dreams? Isn’t it sad how some people die without having dreams? Isn’t it sad how our pets die? Isn’t it sad how we die? Isn’t it sad how we forget some of our most precious memories? Isn’t it sad how we stop feeling emotions? Isn’t it sad how we’re not as innocent as we were when we were kids? Isn’t it sad how you never received that call? Isn’t it sad how you weren’t there for that moment? Isn’t it sad how that person wasn’t there for that special moment? Isn’t it sad how you got tired of the movie you’ve watched a hundred times? Isn’t it sad how you have to let your children go? Isn’t it sad how the best of friendships fall apart? Isn’t it sad how a single second can define your entire life? Isn’t it sad how things end?

5 Reasons To Not Feel Like You’re Not Good Enough.

 

A minute ago, I was writing a post about how I didn’t feel good enough. About how there’s a line after “good” that I never get to cross. I’m always average. About how much inspiration I had, and how much motivation I was lacking. But after 300+ words, I thought that I decide what content I put out there for the world, what part of me I want you to see. And definitely, the negative one is not it.

So, instead of me rambling about how I want to write, take photos, and make videos but finding an excuse not to, I decided to help all of us who are feeling this way with reasons why we shouldn’t feel like we’re not good enough.

Whether you are an artist and you think that your creativity is not reaching the level you want, or just someone who doesn’t feel good enough as a person, I hope these things that I found can help you in some way.

 

1. The people you compare yourself to, compare themselves to others too.

As much as everyone have said this a million times, it’s never enough. And as much as you know how bad is to compare yourself to others, it’s never enough to make you stop, because we are humans, and our little minds are just like that. Just know that those people that we think are so much better than us, feel the same way we do.

2. There is more right with you than wrong with you.

Instead of focusing on the things that you’re not good at, focus on the ones that you are. A few months ago, I went to a psychologist because I thought I had social anxiety, and I was telling him how I was so afraid of people and wasn’t able to make friends. And he told me that maybe I was focusing in how I can’t, instead of focusing in how I could make the ones that I do have. (wow, I swear in my head that made a lot more sense.)

3. Focus on progress rather than perfection.

When we strive for “perfection” we forget to see how far we’ve come since the beginning. For some people becoming better, takes one try, but maybe for you it takes 5. It doesn’t matter, celebrate every progress you make. Strive for more, but be happy and grateful with what you accomplish now.

4. Likes and comments are not that important.

As much as they seem like they indicate how good or not is what you do, they don’t. I know it’s hard to not see it that way, and I include myself, but as long as you love what you do and are truly passionate about it, everything’s okay. If you love it, it will show. If someone else loves it, others will too. It’s good to be recognized for your passion, but it’s better to be able to recognize how happy that passion makes you feel regardless of how many likes and comments you have.

5. Don’t stop trying.

When you want to achieve something, and see how fast others do it, while you think you’re not making any progress at all, do you stop? I can tell you myself that sometimes I’ve stopped. And that is going to be your biggest mistake. No matter how far it seems, if you’re consistent, you can do it. If you stop half way, chances are that you probably are not going to be good enough. Find a motivation and don’t stop.

Almost all of the things that we worry about, are completely relative. So even if you think you’re the worst, someone else will think the opposite. Just make sure that you can see yourself that way too. Everything it’ll be easier.

You are good enough. We all are.

Thank you,

Minnie.

 

 

“Endless Melody”| My Suitcase Will Have To Go

When I came back of my trip to Ohio on April, I left my suitcase in my bedroom because I thought I would be moving there soon. That “soon” was at first June, then it turned into August and now it’s..unknown.

 

 In one of my recent posts I told you that I bought the ticket for the 27th and that I was going crazy because I was scared. I also told you that I had a big discussion with my sister because I bought it without telling her and she told me that she had to talk with her mother (the person I was going to stay with) first.

 

Well, she talked with her, and so did my father. And apparently she didn’t like what I did because she thought I was going to go with my sister, so of course it was going to be easier for her because my sister would take care of me those first days. But because my sister can’t go, she said that she couldn’t take care of me alone because she was always busy. My father was going to talk with my brother(who lives there too) to ask him if he could help me those first days to establish myself. But then my sister’s mother texted my dad telling him to cancel the flight, and that even though we were looking for other options, she wasn’t comfortable with the decision. She told him to stick with the original plan of going with my sister.

 

You can imagine how I felt of course. Besides devastated, I felt uncomfortable. If I had known that I couldn’t go alone I wouldn’t have bought the ticket and make my dad lose all that money. I only did it because my sister told me several times that I could go alone. But her mother told us that she said it sarcastically. Believe me, I’m very familiar with sarcasm and she didn’t say it “sarcastically”.

 

Now, I basically have to wait to October or November until my sister( who i haven’t talked to since the fight we had) can go. I have to depend on her again.

 

I seriously wish there were other options for me to move because now I feel like I’m going to bother my sister’s mother. I wish I could go now in August and not have to wait until god know when.

I’m surprisingly taking it better than I expected, but I’m still sad about it because I don’t know what’s going to happen and I certainly don’t know what I will do in my house these months. But I have faith that something better will come up. The last thing I need to lose now is my positivity.

 

But..can someone please adopt me?

 

 

 

I took all the anger and dissapointment that I had and put it into a photo, and I couldn’t have a better therapy than that. This is the photo I did yesterday, enjoy it.

 

Before and after..or oops, should I say after and before?

Thank you,

Minnie.

Going Crazy

Guys, I haven’t write this kind of post in a long time because I told myself not to, but I feel like it’s necessary for me. Even if you’re not interested, I want to because I need to talk to someone.

If you have followed me for a while and read my posts, then you know that:

– I don’t speak English very well, in fact, I’ve never spoken English in person with anyone, never. And the idea of it terrifies me.

– I live in Puerto Rico.

– My biggest wish was to move to the U.S( or to England, but for now that’s going to have to wait)

– That wish is now a reality.

Okay, now that you know what you need to know, let me start. I was going to move in June but the person who I’m going to be staying with (my sister’s mom) told me to wait until August so that the attic could be ready and I could stay there. And because my sister always go there for Labor day, I decided to wait and go with her.

I was happy that I wouldn’t have to travel alone because that day was going to be stressful enough for me to have to deal with everything on my own.

But to my surprise (not really) my sister can’t go. As always. There is always a problem with her. The first time she told me that maybe she couldn’t go I freaked out. The second time it was like “whatever” but deep inside I was scared. But when she finally confirmed me that she couldn’t go, I was ready. I was mad, but I didn’t want to depend on her anymore.

Yesterday, I bought the ticket for the 27th. And because I didn’t tell her before I bought it, she was mad and came to my house and we basically yelled at each other like never before. I always try to be respectful towards her, I never tell her when something about her bothers me, but yesterday I let it all out. I’m not going to go into details of what happened because this post would be too long.

The thing is that I’m mad. And I’m freaking out. It was going to be so much easier going with her because I was going to be more comfortable and…..

But I think I’m starting to have little panic attacks now that I finally have a date. It’s getting closer and closer and I still don’t overcome my fear of speaking English. how will I get a job?

I’m not very close to my sister’s mom, and I’m scared I will be uncomfortable in her house.

My parents. My family. My comfort zone. I have to risk all of that.

I swear that if it wasn’t so important for me to leave, I would have changed my mind already. But I have to do it. I have to be brave. But I don’t know if I can deal with that much.

Even though my oldest brother, and niece are there, I wish I could just go to a better place with a strange family or with someone I’m REALLY comfortable with.

I’m being so ungrateful right now. I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s happening to me.

And I don’t know why because this is what I wanted. I wanted to leave. I wanted a change.

I want to be completely independent already. Speak english without any fear and live comfortably in California or England. And I don’t know if that’s going to happen. I don’t know how.

I don’t like feeling like this.. Negative.

But I’m going crazy. I just want to cry on someone’s shoulder all day.

I don’t know what I’m doing.

“Crushed Dreams” (Failures)

Even though I don’t like to think like that anymore, this week has not been the best. It has been failure after failure. I’ve been feeling insecure, crushed and just not good enough.

The last photo I did, “A Woman’s Place” was supposed to be for my sister’s kitchen because she personally asked for it. I thought after all the critics that she told me while I was doing it, it would end up in a way that she would like it. Well..even though I did, she didn’t. It hurt me so much, and I know that I’m going to face that a lot of times in my life, but some part of me felt like I failed. I think it was the fact that we were so excited for it that hearing her said that, made me feel sad. Then I told my father that she didn’t like it and he practically told me that he didn’t like that much either. You can’t even imagine how I felt at that moment. Heartbroken. If it hurts hearing people saying bad things about something that you’ve work hard for and that you love, it’s even harder to hear it from your family. I know it’s relative but I really thought that it was pretty and that they were going to like it. I still love it anyway, I’m not going to let a few opinions change that, but it hurts. So I guess I won’t see that one on any wall, for now.

I think that their opinions really affected me though. This photo “Crushed Dreams”, is my third failure this week. Before this one, I tried to make two photos, they didn’t work at all. I didn’t know what I was doing and when I was going to edit them they just wasn’t good, I wasn’t feeling it at all. But I still managed to do this one from today, but I’m not very happy with it either. I’m trying to make a new one each week to keep practicing and improving but the fact that I have only my room to work on and only two dresses doesn’t help my imagination flow.

I didn’t want to sound negative at all, these things are not going to make my week necessarily bad, they are just little obstacles that you have to learn to deal with.

There are going to be a lot of people in your life that won’t like what you do, but if only one person does, that means that other millions will too. Don’t let them bring you down and stop you from what you want to achieve. Work hard. And one failure is only going to be one of many, at least it prepares you to work harder for your next project.

It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might has well not have lived at all, in which case you have failed by default.

J. K. Rowling

You are capable of more than you know. Choose a goal that seems right for you and strive to be the best, however hard the path. Aim high. Behave honorably. Prepare to be alone at times, and to endure failure. Persist! The world needs all you can give.

E. O. Wilson

How Do You Deal With Failures?

Thank you,

Minnie.

One Thing I’m Going To Miss.

This is one of the things I’m going to miss the most when I leave Puerto Rico. Witnessing and being part of cool things my sister does.

When I was little, apparently I didn’t like my sister, she was studying far from where we live and I don’t remember saying a single word to her, probably because I don’t remember almost anything about my childhood, but the reality is that we never talked.

We don’t remember when was the moment we became “friends”. But it has definitely been a blessing to me. She is older, smart, wise and talented so in some ways, she has played the role of another mother to me, a role model. She is also single without children, and have a very good job which contributes to the fact that she has been able to take me to places with her and that kind of stuff. She is honestly the reason why I’ve experienced and know a LOT of the things I know nowadays. I have so much to be thankful for to her.

She has been taking acting classes for almost a year now, because she loves it and luckily is very good at it. And I have been part of so many adventures with her. I know all of the plays and roles she has done because I always help her and watch her rehearse. Let’s say I’m what she calls me, her assistant.

 

And this weekend, I was with her and her class in a place here that is where the biggest plays are, because they were rehearsing for the graduation(or one of those talent shows) of the academy she goes to. And for a person who spends her days, locked up in her house with no one to talk with, being able to be backstage and meet different people and famous people of where I live was just amazing. I didn’t talk much because I’m so shy like that, but I enjoyed it so much. Yesterday was the day of the show(so, it’s all over now) and they all did such an incredible job.

I value so much the adventures I have because of her, and will always be thankful for them. That is one thing I’m going to miss a freaking lot.

 

Thank you,

Minnie.

A Very Short Story | Tomorrow Will Be Late.

When I was studying Film, I had this very short story in my mind that I wanted to take to the screen so bad, but I couldn’t and it was probably better in my mind. I wanted to share it with you anyways.

 

Tomorrow Will Be Late.

He was seventeen, not very social, so he spent most of his time on the local library where he could be alone with his most beautiful treasures, books. His name was Nicholas. His family loved him, especially his little brother Nate, who suffered from syndrome down. Nate was constantly mocked in school and didn’t have friends, just his brother. But since Nicholas was never home and always focused on stories, he indirectly rejected him, even though Nate was his favorite person on the world, as he used to say.

One day, Nicholas was at the library searching for the next story to read. As he searched and searched, he found a book on the floor that grabbed his attention because it didn’t have a picture on the front or a title. When Nicholas started reading, he was surprised by the similitudes that he had with the person narrating the story, they both had a passion for reading and they both had a little brother with syndrome down. He realized this wasn’t just a book, it was a diary.

A week later, Nate asked Nicholas to take him to the cinema to watch a movie he wanted to see. But Nicholas as always, told him he couldn’t because he was going to the library. Nate kept begging him and it all ended up in a big argument with screams and slammed doors. Nicholas went to the library anyway, promising Nate that tomorrow he would take him. Nate was left crying and devastated because he was never able to spend time with his only friend.

That evening in the library, Nicholas was more and more captivated by the diary, he couldn’t stop reading. But he had to stop when he read some words, “I wish I could have give him my tomorrow. I don’t want it anymore, not without him. I never thought my favorite person in the world would disappear from my life like that, if only I.. would have taken him to see that movie..if only I would have forgot about me for a second and gave him the attention he deserved..he wouldn’t have gone to the movies alone and been hit by that car..if only my last word to him wasn’t “tomorrow”, a “tomorrow” that now doesn’t exist…..-Nicholas”

With tears in his face he ran and ran hoping to find Nate at home. When he arrived he couldn’t been more happy to see his brother just about to go. He hugged him like he hasn’t seen him in years, and whispered to him “I promise there won’t be more “tomorrows”. There will only be “nows and todays”, because that’s what you deserve my friend. I love you.”

 

I know it was a little cliché, but I hope it wasn’t too pathetic and didn’t bore you that much. I just think it’s important to give time to the people we love.

Thank you,

Minnie.

 

The Homeless Child Experiment.

A few weeks ago I discovered this youtuber, and I’ve been a little obsessed. What he does is prank people, but sometimes he does social experiments like this one that makes you think deeper about what we have and what we could give to the world. I loved the video, it gets sad and emotional, but I wanted to share it.

From Dark To HAPPY.

I’m very pleased to tell you that I’m happy. And the best thing is that is not for any particular reason. I think it’s so much better when you are just happy because “why the heck not?“. Sometimes we tend to wait to achieve or do a certain thing to feel happy when we can be happy for just being. And like I say, I need reasons to be sad, not to be happy.

When I started this blog last summer, I don’t think any of you followed me back then, but I was in a strange place of my life. In a place where I was used to be, for years. For me it was easy being so dark and depressed, but something inside of me wanted to get out of that hole and see life. I’m not going to tell you why I was like that because it would be a very long post. But I want to share this poem, the first poem I wrote in English, and the first one in general that wasn’t for any assignment that explained exactly how I felt. I’m glad that I read it now and feel absolutely nothing like that.

 

Dark, alone, afraid.
Is this really who I am?
Waiting for the wind to blow,
is this really my life?

Why me? Why now?
The sun is not shining
The moon light is weak
Is this really how it’s going to be?

The stars are screaming
They’re trying to tell me something
I can’t hear, not anymore
I feel like I’m leaving

Save me now
Before the rain get lost in the sea
Before my blood stops
Show me how I’m supposed to be

Time is dying
And I’m still the same
My sky is more blue
Can you tell me where to find faith?

You found my soul
But haven’t see me
I can see the light
You’re going to set me free

It was all in my mind
Just a product of my thoughts
I don’t feel alive anymore
Maybe the strings inside of me just broke.

 

This picture represents a little how I felt at that moment.

In some ways I’m still a dark person, but now I’m hopeful that everything is going to be okay, and I’m stronger so I won’t let little things change my mood and much less who I am. I AM HAPPY.

Are YOU HAPPY? 

Thank you,

Minnie.